My food items on the counter move up as the customer ahead of me finishes up his transaction and moves along. I’m not wearing headphones today for some reason but even so, I haven’t heard a word of what they’ve been talking about because I’m still thinking about whether I’m somehow too passive aggressive in online and personal interactions. It’s a thing I do.
“How are you, sir?”
“I’m fine thanks, how are you?”
“Do you need a bag today, sir?”
“Oh, no, thanks,” I say, indicating the store-bought fabric bag I have with me that bears the logo of the very store I am standing in. “I’ll just throw it in here.”
Scanning of the items begins. I could have scanned them myself at the self-checkout, but I have a produce item with no barcode and it’s just always easier to have the cashiers do that since they know all the codes. Also, why not interact with a human person?
“Points card?” asks the cashier.
“Yes,” I say, handing the card over for scanning. The card is scanned. “Would you like to donate $2 to (insert charity here)?”
“Not today, thanks,” I say, for the ten-thousandth time wondering why I have to say ‘thanks’ for being allowed not to donate to (insert charity here) today.
“I was chatting with the gentleman before you about (brand name of canned spinach) that he buys just so he can throw spinach into whatever he’s making when he thinks he needs more veggies,” says the cashier. “The one I use has over 1000% of the recommended vitamin A. Have you tried it?”
Pause. “Have I tried it?” I ask.
“Yes?”
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“No.”
“You can tap your card now, sir.”
It’s important to note that at this point, I’ve been looking at the screen that would indicate when I’m supposed to tap my card. All it says is “WELCOME TO (INSERT STORE NAME HERE)” on the screen. I wait.
“You can tap your card now, sir,” repeats the cashier.
“Oh, but it doesn’t say –” I begin, and then the screen changes to “TAP YOUR CARD NOW, PLEASE”
“Just tap it,” says the cashier, miming how to do it with a mime card and mime-touching the screen. “You won’t be charged twice.”
“Yes, of course, I didn’t think I would be charged twice, it’s just that you were telling me to tap but I was waiting for the screen to –”
“No, we won’t charge you twice, it’s safe to tap, I promise. Thank you, sir, have a nice day!”
The cashier turns to serve the next customer after giving me my receipt, and I walk the four steps to the other end where my purchases are waiting. They have been bagged in a plastic bag bearing the very logo of the very store I am standing in. I take the plastic bag, put it in the fabric bag bearing the logo of the very store I am standing in, and walk to the exit, as I think about what it was that I did wrong, and if I’m too passive aggressive.
It’s a thing I do.
