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Sweezley was a pig. Not an actual pig, just a man who was literally so filthy that common English descriptors such as “unkempt”, “dirty”, and “slob” committed suicide when faced with their ineffectiveness. He’d literally lost his wife and kids; they were actually lost, somewhere, in the sedimentary layers of what passed for his house. … Read more

“We are all well-versed in the story of how the apple fell on Isaac Newton’s head, which led him to theorize to the existence of gravity,” began Professor Ignorebutton, peering at his first-year physics class over his horn-rims. “However, who here,” he continued, “knows that in the forgotten moments immediately post said apple falling, Sir … Read more

“Well,” Jorsh Tardpond was very fond of telling others, “the reason pineapple prevents Jell-O from setting is its chemistry. You see, pineapples contain bromelain, which contains two enzymes capable of digesting proteases, a form of protein. Jell-O and similar gelatins get their structure from chains of collagen, which is a protein. So, when you add … Read more