SHORT BOOK, BIG LAUGHS!
Thanks for clicking in to here from wherever you were, when you were there! You’re here now, and that’s what matters. For this Christmas week, I’ve decided to post not one, but two earlier draft versions of two short, weird pieces from my first book Vengeful Hank & Other Shortweird Stories
112-word post, or “That Time I Met Bill Murray” Monday, April 22, 2013
I was filling up with unleaded last night when, to my surprise, Bill Murray got into my passenger seat.
“I’ve got no time to explain,” he said, “Just get in!”
I opened my door and was about to say something like “uhhh…” but suddenly, Margaret Cho materialized in the front seat. She shot Bill with a tazer, then punched me in the throat. As I doubled over, she chanted some weird incantation, and the whole car suddenly shot straight up into the sky till it was just a speck, and then, gone.
“You still gotta pay for that gas,” said the attendant watching me gasping for breath. “And I didn’t see nothin’.”
Yes, that’s the whole story. Clearly, if you have a short attention span, or just like to find out how things end (or don’t, in this case) then this book is for you. This book is full of short, weird stories. It also has badgers.
75-word blog, or “The Five Badgers of Skip Stephenson” Saturday, March 16, 2013
Midnight. Santa Monica, California. In terms of finding badgers under the bedspread, this was a 5-badger alarm. And Skip Stephenson – former host of late 1970s television show “Real People” – suddenly remembered: The fortune cookie fortune he’d read last Friday at “Wokking The Dog” was explicit: “You will find five badgers under your bedspread.” Unfortunately, Skip didn’t understand corollary relationships; namely, when you find five badgers under your bedspread, the reverse is also true.
And now a bonus bit, which didn’t appear in my book, but was part of a year-long blogging experiment you can read about here. So I guess we’d call this one a ‘blog exclusive’.
54-word blog – Sat, Feb 23, or “Social Media”
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Perfectly trapped in a clickety-world,
With my clackety-keyboard set a clickety-whirl,
From the morning’s first crack,
To the duskiest black – refreshing, refreshing,
And nothing to drink,
And entropy’s the root of the problem, I think.
But I will keep pecking my buttons of text,
For like you, I’m afraid of what happens next.
THE SHORTWEIRD STORIES LIMERICK OFFER
If you order a paperback copy of the book from Amazon, simply post a picture of you with my book on the Shortweird Stories Facebook fan page, I’ll write you a custom limerick and tag you! Post a picture of yourself with the ebook, and you get a haiku! Available in kindle or paperback on Amazon: http://tiny.cc/vengfulhank Here’s what some fans and followers already posted… check Facebook to see their limericks (and in some cases, haikus!)
