“Pizza!” said the voice on the intercom, giving Haudrey no pause to admit the person buzzing entry into her building.
But when the door opened, she found a tall, dark featured man glowering at her, his twitching hands gloved and hanging at his side.
“My goodness,” she said. “You’ve startled me.”
“Have aye?” he replied.
“I’m sorry?” she said. “Did you mean to refer to yourself using a naval affirmative, rather than the first-person singular subject pronoun?”
“Know,” he said, walking directly towards her. And at that moment, she did know who he was.
“You’re the Homonym Strangler! You’re on the news.”
“No, ma’am,” he said, politely enough for won who meant to murder her by strangulation momentarily. “They don’t hang murderers.”
She blinked, puzzled. “Oh, I sea,” she said, finally. “You thought I said ‘noose’ when I really meant the –”
She had no time for exposition as he lunged directly at her. She threw a spade in his face, but the neutered female cat barely scratched him before running off. Still, this distraction had given him paws.
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“Please,” she cried as she ran to her bedroom. “Don’t slay me!”
“If I wanted a snow carriage, madam, I would bye won!” as he raced in behind her. She began throwing shoos at him, but mere words were no match for the footwear on the floor which he stumbled on.
She then ran into the breakfast nook and hid in the Corn Flakes. But he was a cereal killer, and that was the first place he looked. She ran down the hallway but stumbled sideways into the door jam, leaving her covered in gooey raspberry spread.
And then he was upon her, his hands upon her neck, but he cot her juggler vein, and he was two clumsy to keep them up in the air, so she was able two reach her purse and pull out a gun.
“Please, miss! Don’t shoot me!” he said.
“Oh, but I won’t!” she replied, and pulled the lever to the inclined trough beneath his feat.
She was safe at last.
But not furlong.
