The three bears, all snugly sleeping in their beds, were startled by the sound of a voice blaring out over a bullhorn. “Rise and shine, bears!” yelled the voice.
Papa Bear looked out the window and saw a tiny sprig of a girl, no more than 4 feet tall, staring haughtily up at their window. “Crap. It’s that blonde kid again.”
“I thought we scared her away for good last month?” said Mamma bear.
“Can we eat her, Dad?” asked ‘Baby’ Bear, who was still living at home owing to lack of motivation and a bearish economy.
“We eat porridge!” said Papa Bear. “Don’t like it? Move out!”
Baby Bear muttered to himself and stomped out the back-door into the woods, to do what bears do there.
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They had all the lumber they needed at their claw-tips, provided they cut it down themselves, and what better “green” tool to use to cut down trees than beavers?
The first problem the bears encountered was that a single beaver really good for only one or two chops at the tree at most. Afterwards, they mostly went limp from the blunt force of being swung by the tail like an axe. The remaining local but decimated beaver population were understandably irate, and were drafting a tersely worded letter to their Aldermoose, but I digress.
“You’re on private property, bears!” yelled Goldilocks unnecessarily into the bullhorn as she was plenty loud without it . “My family are land barons and daddy said this land is OURS so now this house is MINE!”
And so it was that Goldilocks (“More like Scoldy-locks,” joked Mamma) served them eviction papers, and took possession of the house. She resold it to a gay badger couple, who later sued her after the asbestos made them sick.
