NO sir.
NO way.
NO.
Henny Jurgowitz was NOT going bargain hunting today. Let other people line up at 4 am to storm the Walmart. Let those losers trample the staff at Target. She could care less if some cross-border assholes spent more on their overnight hotel than they were ever going to save on their – and here she made physical air quotes to herself – “bargains”.
Her son Abigail (long story) sat next to her at the table, slurping his milky Captain Crunch, watching her peripherally as she stared slit-eyed at a point in the distance, absentmindedly dumping spoon after spoon of sugar into her coffee.
“Mom,” he began.
“We’re not going shopping today,” she said firmly.
“I wasn’t going to say that,” he said. “It’s pizza day at school and I just wanted to see if I could get ten bucks.”
“Ten bucks for a slice of pizza?” she said, incredulously.
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She rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “But no soda. There’s too much sugar in those damn things.”
She took a sip of her coffee and did a spit-take, looking at it wide-eyed, then at Abigail, daring him to laugh. Although his cheeks were near bursting to contain himself, he pretended he hadn’t noticed. Henny smiled and tousled his hair. “You’re a good kid,” she said. “At least I did something right.”
Twenty minutes later she was dropping him off at school, pressing 10 bucks into his palm, and watching him join his friends on the steps.
Then she headed to Walmart.
She wasn’t going shopping. No sir. No way.
No.
This year – like the last three years – she was going to park and check for unlocked cars. Nowadays, “giving thanks” seemed to mean you could celebrate greed – by buying crap you didn’t need, made by underpaid international workers, on sale for even less than they were worth. Why should she feel guilty for liberating those products and dropping them off at the shelter?
