He’d had a head cold for several days, a real lurker; the kind that left you breathing fine but every few hours you’d get a cold sweat and dizzy spell. So Glurph decided to stay home from work for the day. He was feeling marginally better after a little bit of sleeping in, some warm tea and some mindless reruns on channel 50 from Detroit.
Then he got an idea.
When the thought first struck him, he was watching cartoons. It was so ridiculous that he hid in his room for an hour to keep from doing it.
Then, when he was sure it would work, Glurph walked slowly back down the stairs and stood in the doorway of the kitchen. He was going to do this. But he went from room to room to make sure no one else was home.
He checked the basement. Nobody was there.
He checked the main floor washroom. Nobody was there.
He checked the upstairs rooms. Nobody was there.
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Somebody was there; the small ghost of El Guapo, a mercurial Chihuahua that nobody in the house had ever even noticed was haunting their house. It had somehow gotten trapped in the dryer’s lint trap and had finally given up on ever having anybody from this damn house let it out to pee.
Finally, satisfied there was nobody else home, he crept back downstairs pas . He had no idea why he was creeping if there was nobody home and he giggled to himself over it. Overcome then by a dizzy spell, he was luckily close enough to the couch to lie down for a bit.
An hour later after a nap he continued on to the kitchen. He made a single cup of instant coffee. He climbed a folding ladder and, from the very top, jumped into the cup like a death-defying high jumper.
Later that night, when he couldn’t sleep, he knew why.
He should have used decaf.
