Harrigan Tarmac had spent the better part of the day at the Generic City Mall and made his way to the underground parking, his arms overflowing with gift boxes.
He was proud of himself. He’d gotten his shopping done early, and everyone was getting what they wanted. He loved Christmas surprises, and he hoped he could keep the kids believing in Santa for a few more years.
Two years ago, he’d been mortified when the kids had discovered the hiding place for the gifts in the basement. He’d had to scrape the bottom of the ‘explanation barrel’ to explain why, if those gifts weren’t from Santa, did the labels say ‘From Santa’ on them. Thinking quickly, he blamed it on those trickster ‘Christmas Crackers’.
The kids had been skeptical at first. Christmas Crackers? They’d never heard such a thing. But after a couple minutes those skeptical eyebrows came down and were replaced by giddy excitement. Their house has been visited by tricking, magical creatures they’d only just heard of, but dad said they were real.
So they’d done a perimeter sweep looking for any crackers still hanging around. He’d planted some crumb under the bed as proof. They’d fixed the labels together, and the next day Harrigan had gone out to buy new toys that would come ‘from Santa’ on Christmas Eve.
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As he opened the tailgate he was surprised by several dozen tiny saltines wearing tiny but horribly ugly holiday sweaters. The Christmas Crackers didn’t like being blamed for crimes they didn’t commit, so they were going to commit one now.
“Get in the car and drive, big guy!” shouted the lead cracker in the Rudolph sweater.
Harrigan screamed and began stomping on them as if he was covered in fire ants. Clearly, the crackers hadn’t thought this revenge thing through.
