309-word post, or “First Annual Magician’s Olympics”

“Welcome to day 1 of the ‘Walking Through Things’ event of the First Annual Magician’s Olympics. We’ve got THREE of the best here, vying to be the FIRST EVER magician to actually RUN through solid Plexiglas.

There’s David Blaine, channeling his powers, ready to go the distance. Wonder what he’s thinking? Probably something like ‘I hope I can make it through that Plexiglas’ or something like that.

And there’s Chris Angel, Mind Freak. No idea what he’s doing. Just kind of gesticulating wildy. Spooky little guy, really… probably lonely.

And Bartok the Necromancer… he seems to be summoning something or other. Not sure what the judges will say ; is this allowed? A demon, maybe? Or a door to another dimension?

No, it’s a sandwich. Just a sandwich. Okay, we’re about to hear the starter’s pistol.

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Okay… yes? No… It doesn’t look like anybody’s gotten through… they just all sort of struck the plexiglass like birds slamming into skyscraper windows. Maybe if we take a look at the instant re- – Wait, there seems to be some sort of commotion on the floor…

I don’t believe this, folks! It looks like actor Daniel Radcliffe dressed as Harry Potter has crashed the event! Not even invited and not even a real magician, but that doesn’t seem to be slowing him down in the least! Is it possible that he just might take this title and be the first magician ever to walk – nay, run – through solid Plexiglas?

Okay, yes… and…!

No? Absolutely not. He’s just laying unconscious now on top of the others. With the score now Plexiglass 4, Magicians 0 we bring you this word from our sponsors.”

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