Forrest was surprised on the first morning he washed his hands in his newly installed antique bathroom sink.
The bowl was marble, with alabaster trim. He wasn’t a huge antique hunter, but for some reason this had caught his eye. He was looking for things to add value to his condo before resale, so he picked it up.
He’d installed it himself – a pet project – and he watched hours of HGTV, and bought home plumbing books. As it had to be wall mounted, he’d scoured the city for just the right antique taps to install above it. This led to realizing he’d have to bone up on home carpentry before roughing out the wall to accommodate them, and then he’d have to redo the tiling.
All told, it was a two-month odyssey, but he was proud of himself.
And here he was, with a shocked expression on his face; the embarrassingly high-pitched squeal he’d let out still echoing in his ears.
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“Ridiculous,” he thought, passing it off as muscle spasms or sense-memory. He bent down to retrieve the soap that shot out of his hand like a rocket when he’d flinched involuntarily at what he thought must be a ‘ghost frotteur’.
He chuckled, lathered up his hands again and dipped them into the sink… and again, he felt hands caressing his buttocks.
Then he realized, the sink was some sort of Pac-Man tunnel, and all roads led to his ass.
He washed his hands in the kitchen sink for a month, eventually selling the condo at a loss, because he was a homophobe.