258-word post, or “Afterlife Wishes”

Gary came to, and slowly realized he was hanging upside down.

He undid the seatbelt and fell to the ceiling of the car, which of course, was on the ground. Strangely, he felt no pain, and all was bathed in white light.

He became aware of a ticking sound as a pocketwatch floated towards him. “Well, well, well,” said the pocketwatch. “Look who’s coming around.”

Gary blinked. It wasn’t the pocketwatch speaking, but the tiny mosquito holding the pocketwatch.

“Yes, I’m a mosquito with a human-sized pocketwatch. Don’t judge me. This is my afterlife wish. I wanted a pocketwatch and I wasn’t thinking of scale.”

I’m hallucinating, thought Gary.

“You’re not hallucinating,” replied the mosquito. “You’re dead. We’re dead. You slapped me dead when I bit you, then you lost control of the car, flipped and hit a phone pole. Live wires fell on the car and electrocuted you. Me. Us. But I was dead already. Slapper.”

But, but, thought Gary.

The mosquito sighed. “Gary, it’s the afterlife. You get one wish. I wished for a pocketwatch so I have a pocketwatch.”
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A bell tolled in the distance. “It’s your turn, Gary. No takebacks!”

“I’m afraid!” said Gary.

“Shh,” said the mosquito. “I’ll help you. Clear your mind. Ready?”

“Yes,” said Gary.

“Mosquito-sized smoking jacket,” said the mosquito. “Mosquito-sized smoking jacket?” repeated Gary.

“Yoink!” said the mosquito, flying away with the smoking jacket.

“NO!” screamed Gary. “Asshole! Takeback! BUTTER CANNON!” he blurted, but there are no takebacks in heaven, and Gary spent eternity wondering what ‘butter cannon’ meant.

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