Once upon a time, two hikers went for a hike in the woods. By once upon a time, I mean last week, and by hike in the woods, it was really more like a hill with some trees.
Anyway, it was a beautiful day, birds were chirping, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and by that I mean there were in fact several clouds, but despite this, the two hikers, who were nonsexual friends, were having a great day. By nonsexual friends, I mean they had no sexual relations with anybody, and by great day, I mean the sort of day as great as you’ll get in your sexless life.
Anyway, they were sharing the sort of stories you might share if you were sexless and hiking, when a sudden noise made one of the hikers a bit suspicious. And by suspicious, I mean, the following discussion then happened:
“Did you just fart?”
“No”
“But I heard you.”
“I didn’t!.”
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“It’s a bear.”
“Bullshit. You farted!”
“I DIDN’T! I HAVE A BEAR IN MY ASS!”
“Prove it.”
And then the hiker with the bear in his ass let it out, and the bear mauled the first hiker. And that’s why hikers never say “Beware letting the bear out of your ass, lest it maul your hiking partner.”
