225-word post, or “Scuba Diving”

Horatio Noergh had been looking forward to this day for months. Wetsuit? Check!

He’d lived so close to the Pacific Ocean for years, and had never spent any time in it. Flippers? Check!

He’d always had a weird phobia about the Pacific. Oxygen tank. Check!

Today, after six years of hypnotic therapy, he knew the way to conquer his fear was to face it. Weight belt? Check!

He’d taken weeks of classes with some of the country’s best instructors. Facemask? Check!

He felt more alive than he’d ever felt! Depth gauge? Check!
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The crew of the boat pointed to the dolphins nearby. Regulator? Check!

He flopped over to the side of the boat, and sat on the rail. He gave his thumbs up, and dropped over the edge…

He exploded upon touching the water, blowing a huge hole in the boat, which began to sink immediately.

Sadly, Horatia had repressed the memory of this advice of his grandfather: “For some reason whenever our family has gone scuba diving, we’ve always turned into sodium, a soft, highly reactive metal that, when in contact with water, readily and violently loses its outermost electron to form cations with a +1 charge, producing hydrogen gas which then explosively burns the sodium. YOU! So, don’t go scuba diving….” And then the old man shook him for longer than necessary. “Everrrrrrr!”

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