“I hope I’m not being presumptuous,” said Grant Portflange, seated at the patio of Chez Toi Bistro. “But I seem to have your attention!”
Although he was being extremely presumptuous, his presumption was warranted, as his speaking had jumped suddenly from “silent” to what could be described as “hollering”.
“I wish to address my state of undress…” he said, removing his top hat and monocle, which were in fact the only articles he had been wearing in the first place, “… which I must confess has been caused by duress, which I wish to redress…”
Watching a train wreck brings out many reactions in people, but mostly, people were uneasy. “My name is Grant Portflange,” he continued. “I’d like to tell you how I won the world, but lost my soul… and I’d like to begin… by making love to this excellent liver pâté.”
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At this point, he began dry-humping his plate of appetizers. Patrons gasped, or averted their eyes, or sank in their seats, or began posting facebook pictures.
And at that moment, Antoine Lafayette, owner of Chez Toi, became intimate with regret over allowing this one-man show the use of his restaurant as a “Bring Your Own Venue” at the Toronto Fringe Festival.
