10:42 am:
“Okay, folks, we’ve started our descent into LAX a bit ahead of schedule owing to tailwinds and we’ve been cleared for landing. Please ensure your seatbelts are fastened, trays in the upright position, and… “
10:47 am:
“Passengers, just been informed a rather large quake is hitting LA at the moment, so they’re asking all flights to circle till things settle down there. Will keep you advised.
10:50 am:
Folks, no easy way to say this, but it appears Los Angeles is sinking into the ocean… uh… so…
10:57 am:
Folks, we’re just communicating with other aircraft in the area to confirm what we’re seeing here. If I could ask you to bear with us, please keep the screaming down a bit as you can appreciate there’s a fair amount of communication over our headsets, thanks.
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11:12 am:
Folks, I … (unintelligible) What? Where? (pause) Holy. Living. Fuck.
11:17
Well, folks by now you’ve looked out your windows you’ve seen Giant Jesus kick-boxing with… whatever that other thing is. Your flight attendants will be by with complimentary drinks while we log a new flightpath to Denver.
